where the wildensteins are

you may remember that delightful children's book "where the wildensteins are" about a heinously rich lady, Jocelyn Wildenstein, who morphs herself into a large jungle cat with the help of some highly talented and highly ethical plastic surgeons. Once she transcends her human form she begins the search for love fuelled by the desire to make MORE mishapen wildensteins.

Cat-jocelyn abducts Eric Stolz, and is cruelly disappointed to find that he is, in fact, a cute red-haired man-actor, and not, in fact, a terminally ill boy-man with a massive facial and skull deformity. Confused and distraught she leaves the half naked and drugged Stolz on the floor of his apartment.

Prowling the internet, cat-jocelyn happens upon Simon MacCorkindale, NYPD police consultant with the ability to become many animals (not all) many...he is Manimal. She creeps into his home, knocking him unconscious. Simon wakes to find himself imprisoned in a giant pie shell and cat-jocelyn won't release him until he agrees to assume the shape of a black panther so that they can mate. unknown to cat-jocelyn, simon does not possess the ability to transmogrify into an animal, like a black panther, and he emerges from the flacid, unbaked crust--a man.

disappointed again...cat-jocelyn flies into a blind feline rage where she scratches Simon's piercing blue eyes out.

Poor, poor Simon MacCorkindale.

Spring arrives and cat-jocelyn is at home, horny and alone, and she contemplates more surgeries...perhaps a tail?

this is what happens when you watch too much TV.